Sledding!

This morning I woke up to my dad making waffles in his new Belgian waffle maker. They were delicious and promptly afterward my entire family settled down to watch "Toy Story 3." I had yet to see it (none of us had seen it yet, actually) and it was so delightful! I cried more than once - a result, I think, not only of the excellent writing and my soft heart, but also of the nostalgia and poignancy of having grown up with the films. I was about the same age as Andy when "Toy Story" first came to theaters, and now, years and years later, Andy went off to college at the same time as I did. This was a clever move on Pixar's part, but also a beautiful tribute to a generation of kids who grew in maturity while never losing imagination.

This afternoon a bunch of us went sledding at the Chocksett football fields in Sterling. It was freezing, but so much fun! The wind whipping at our faces, we later found out, was moving at a staggering 58 miles per hour. (Ouch.) But the snow was perfect for angels and for sliding down the steeps of the fields. So many people stayed inside today - and are sensible for doing so - but I am glad that we were able to gather together and appreciate this gift from Mother Nature for a few hours. 

I smiled and laughed a lot today.

Oh, also.

01. I'm excited for the snow. It keeps piling and piling up!

02. Transfer applications are going to kick my butt. Bring it.

03. I really, reeeeally want to intern at HarperCollins or Penguin or even Bloomsbury this summer.

04. My dad is watching "The Return of the King" and I can hear the beautiful score wafting up through the floorboards. It makes me sentimental, in both happy and sad ways.

05. I am sick once again, and I really don't know why this keeps recurring.

06. Tomorrow I want nothing more than to gather with my sisters and friends to go sledding!

 

My first winter in Holden, junior year. Sledding with Emily at Mayo Elementary School, going approximately 0.5 miles per hour.

07. I also really want to ice skate soon. I taught myself how when I was a sophomore, but far too much time has passed since I last laced up my blades.

 

My first time on skates, sophomore year! Determination: strong. Skill level: non-existent.

  Happy blizzard!

You Can't Beat It

Christmas was so wonderful. It was nice to celebrate with just the immediate family for once. Usually we spend the holiday with my grandparents, and a few times we've gathered with aunts and uncles too. But yesterday, it was just the five of us, and I loved that.

Christmas Eve

Things are starting to look up. I don't plan to hold my breath, but I also won't breathe too deeply.

Merry Christmas Eve!

occucco ][ ssf.tsf.ffne

I just video chatted with Olivia for over an hour and a half. It was so nice to see a familiar face from Mount Holyoke, and to be able to talk about things that people here do not necessarily know about or understand. (For example: the ugly, weird designs that people came up with for our dorm 2010-2011 sweatshirt...a Hamster? Really?) We spoke about Christmas, we showed each other our cats, I said "hello again" to her mum and dad, we talked about spring break and transferring and how complicated it makes the housing application process. I vented about my frustrations with certain things here at home and she lent a willing ear. Olivia is my best friend at school by far, and having met her parents during Family & Friends' Weekend, I feel almost as if I know her the way I know many of my high school friends--because there is that element of knowing more than just your friend, because you are familiar with not just her but also the people in her life.

A few days ago, I told Katie that the one thing that made me sad about leaving Mount Holyoke for break was that I did not think I would miss any of my friends, at least not too tremendously. Skyping with Olivia tonight instilled within me the hope and positivity that of late has been dwindling. I miss her so much and cannot wait to see her again in a month. Having a reason to actually want to return to school makes the arrival of January 24th that much easier.

----------------------------
In other words, I just wish you would talk to me, and not while hiding behind your cell phone. I do not know if you are afraid or are angry or are indifferent. I hope so very much, though, that indifference is not the reason for your lack of enthusiasm, because nothing could hurt me more. If it is not too much to ask, perhaps my Christmas present could be old-fashioned communication. I would like that.

Blue Faire Isle

I am frustrated beyond belief that you refuse to make this easy for either of us.

It would be so nice to see your face at my door.

A bunch of us gathered last night to celebrate our "homecomings," so to speak, and to enjoy a little bit of catching up before the holiday. It was as much fun as it always is, and today I am exhausted but extremely content. Everything seems more magical this time of year and I am so happy to be home, enjoying the Christmas season with my family (including my mum, who decorates so tastefully and makes Christmas twenty times more exciting than it already is) and with my friends. Everyone fills me up with so much happiness and joy and love that I feel both blessed and spoiled for how lucky I am. There are a lot of friends and family members that I have not seen in a long time, and I miss them tremendously, but I have a good amount of faith that we'll all meet again in due time.

buffalolaffub

Greg sent me a link explaining how the sentence "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo" is completely legitimate. As an English major, I am slightly embarrassed to admit that the accuracy of its construction remains somewhat lost on me.

Philip Glass is playing as I write my paper.

This means business.

as he stood there with the roses, which said more than he ever could

"He had not said, 'I love you'; but he held her hand. Happiness is this, is this, he thought."

-Mrs. Dalloway

All At Sea

"She felt very young, at the same time unspeakably aged. She sliced like a knife through everything, at the same time was outside, looking on. She had a perpetual sense, as she watched the taxi cabs, of being out, out, far out to sea and alone; she always had the feeling that it was very, very dangerous to live even one day."

-Mrs. Dalloway 

Mrs. Dalloway

On the brain. Not on the paper.

Oh quel jour est aujourd'hui.

I have been studying for almost six hours now and I know I have at least two more ahead of me. Stats was difficult but French is proving to be nearly impossible to grasp. I haven't even packed my things to go home tomorrow yet, either. One roommate is asleep, two are watching "Lost," but the girls above (or is it below?) me will not stop making noise. My bed is right near a vent and I can hear every word (or weird noise) they make, including those private ones I have zero interest in overhearing.

French is swirling in and out of my brain. As soon as I think I have remastered a concept, I come across an example that I cannot comprehend. I try to assuage my panic by convincing myself that surely I had these same struggles when I first learned how to speak and write English as a toddler, but somehow I don't believe it. Mastering foreign languages is not by any means easy, but at the same time, it frustrates me how quickly I lose the information after learning it originally. Nothing seems to stick anymore! Et maintenant, je suis très fatiguée.

On the bright side, I am trying to keep myself awake so I am eating Cheez-its (it's almost midnight, gross, I know), and I just ate a burnt one. Burnt Cheez-its are my absolute favorite. If they ever sold reject boxes that were filled to the brim only with burnt Cheez-its, I would buy the entire stock.

Look at me, I'm talking about square orange crackers. This is not the mind of a girl with the ability to take exams in nine hours. I am going to be dead before my pencil even touches the paper.

Madame

I love my French professor so much! She is one of the most amazing people I have ever met.

All done with classes!

And I took my Sociology exam today, as well. I've spent the afternoon watching "90210" with Rachael (guilty pleasure, I know). Tonight I get to watch Olivia dance, finish Mrs. Dalloway, and celebrate with my frands at our Secret Holiday Armadillo party. Life is great for the time being!

I feel sick sick sick sick sick.

i looked up into the grey sky

The right side of my back hurts tremendously. I think I slept on it wrong or something; probably, I slept on my side. I used to be a side sleeper but then I started getting really bad back pain. So I switched to lying on my back, and now I can't fall asleep any other way. I was at UMass last night, though, and sharing a twin bed is not conducive to healthful sleep.

I've been listening to a lot of upbeat music lately, the kind that makes me want to dance even when I'm standing in line or walking down the street. (A tiny part of me longs for my own "(500) Days of Summer" spontaneous dance routine.) The song of the day is "Black and Gold" by Sam Sparro.

I feel a way of something beyond them:
I don't see what I can feel.
If vision is the only validation,
then most of my life isn't real.

'Cause if you're not really here
then the stars don't even matter.
Now I'm filled to the top with fear
but it's all just a bunch of matter.
'Cause if you're not really here
then I don't want to be, either.
I want to be next to you.

< seven days

I have so much to do and time to do it but I'm convinced it won't be time enough.

ONE WEEK!

I am so happy!

I'm in!

Just got an e-mail from the director of The Vagina Monologues.
I'll be performing "Because He Liked to Look At It."
I am so excited!
This has made my week.

"I feel a little better."

Lately I have lost my sense of self within college. The stress, the relationships, the worries, the expectations and overwhelming commitments, all these things managed to swallow my tiny little body whole, and I sat somewhere inside this huge emptiness, waiting for illumination.

I had callbacks for The Vagina Monologues tonight. I found myself, rediscovered myself, within other selves unlike my own. I emerged from my audition breathing a newer version of my old life.

Once again, theatre makes me more me than does merely existing as me.

Mum surprised me with a visit today!

It was so wonderful getting to spend some time with her! But it only reinforces how much I miss my family! Only eight days more.

apathy)(apathy

"But nothing is so strange when one is in love (and what was this except being in love?) as the complete indifference of other people."

-Mrs. Dalloway

reference notes

1. We've all finally reached a level of agreement regarding the new room arrangement!
2. My eye is almost back to its normal color, but it still hurts every now and then. I'm scared to put my contacts in from now on, though. Hydrogen peroxide in the eye is not a cup of tea.
3. I cannot focus on my French homework. Je ne suis pas contente, parce que j'ai beaucoup de devoirs mais je n'ai pas le temps.
4. I have my fourth hour of Stats tonight at 8:00 but it is so cold out and the seven minute walk seems like eternity.
5. Not including today, there are only 10 more days until I can go home!
6. Où est la neige?!

Starry Eyes

This weekend in New York was wonderful! But now I am back at Mount Holyoke, and the world seems to have dimmed, dulled, and become altogether flat.

Only fourteen days until I can go home, which is not quite as bright as the city, but at least surrounds me with people I love.

C'est le premier décembre!

Everything about this month makes me joyful!

Happy December!