"Oh be careful!--if you breathe, it breaks."

It has been an extraordinarily long day, and even though I feel exhausted and would love more than anything to crawl under my comforter and fall asleep right now, I am really happy because I was so productive today!

Today I:
-slept late! My Scottish Lit class was canceled so I was able to sleep until 8:40. It was lovely.
-completed my French composition.
-worked in the dining hall from 12:30-2:30.
-did all of my laundry.
-went to the gym for an hour.
-auditioned for The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams.
-did not give in to the temptation to watch "90210" or "The Bachelor" instead of doing work.

In order to go to bed, all I have to do is read fifty more pages of Rob Roy and study French for about an hour. I can do this! With any luck I will be pajama-ed and under the covers by midnight. It is amazing to me how happy I feel. Putting myself through a constant "go, go, go!" today was tiresome in the moment, but looking back this kind of pace is seriously so rewarding. I feel less stressed already. =)

Title quote, The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams.

rêve en technicolor

Things were better today. I cleaned my part of the room and it is spotless and that makes me happy. Also this morning Briana informed me that a few nights ago, I spoke fluent French while I was asleep! I am so excited about that, and more than a little humored at the fact that only while I dream am I able to speak coherently in other languages.

P.S. Happy birthday, Cody!
P.P.S. Congratulations, Bryan, on becoming an uncle...again!

excerpt; The Bear In a Boat

"The slack sail shifts from side to side,
The boat, untrimm'd, admits the tide,
Borne down, adrift, at random tost,
The oar breaks short, the rudder's lost."

-John Gay,  Fables

Lomov:

"The great thing is to make up one's mind."

-Excerpt from The Proposal by Anton Chekhov

Shiputchin:

"Two friends one summer evening walked, and sagely of deep matters talked. ...Tell me not thy youth is ruined, poisoned by my jealous love..."

-Excerpt from The Anniversary by Anton Chekhov

I am already:

-sick of college.
-ready to come home.

April

No one's despair is like my despair--

You have no place in this garden
thinking such things, producing
the tiresome outward signs; the man
pointedly weeding an entire forest,
the woman limping, refusing to change clothes
or wash her hair.

Do you suppose I care
if you speak to one another?
But I mean you to know
I expected better of two creatures
who were given minds: if not
that you would actually care for each other
at least you would understand
grief is distributed
between you, among all your kind, for me
to know you, as deep blue
marks the wild scillon, white
the wood violet.

-Louise Glück
The Wild Iris

Day One.

Today was my first day of second-semester classes. I had Scottish Lit bright and early this morning, at 8:35, and my professor seems nice enough. The class is rather large (twenty-two), so I am unsure how much I am going to like the atmosphere (I almost always prefer smaller English classes), but I am excited about the [enormous] course load, and ready to learn more about a large part of my heritage. I had French today, as well, about which I was more than a little nervous, because I may or may not have forgotten to review over break....oops. But Madame Holden-Avard is as wonderful as ever, and I am determined to bounce back!

The weirdest part of today was when I woke up this morning. In my dream I had just arrived, dressed in a black floor-length evening dress, to a performance by the New York Philharmonic. Right as the orchestra began to swell with the first notes of the piece, my cell phone burst into "You & I Both" by Jason Mraz, simultaneously jolting me from my sleep (it was the alarm on my real cell phone going off) and embarrassing the crap out of me as I sat, in my dream, among hundreds of upper-crust socialites and tried to silence my phone. Bizarrrrrre.

T-minus 30 hours.

I hate packing.

The song of the day is "Bright Lights, Bigger City" by Cee Lo Green, the same genius who, as one-half of Gnarls Barkley, released the song "Crazy," another excellent track. But last weekend, Cee Lo Green was the musical guest on SNL and he sang both "F**k You" and this song, which I was so happy about! I cannot stop listening to it. His performance was amazing, too, not to mention how much I loved his modern take on Robert Palmer's all-female ensemble.

"Friday's cool, but there's something 
about Saturday night.
You can't say what you won't do
'cause you know you just might."

Sun in the sky, you know how I feel.

Rachael and I just coordinated our flights for spring break! I cannot believe that in less than two months, I will be spending a week here!

Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. 

Hoover Flaps

Flying is so expensive these days!

The song of the day is "Static Waves" by Andrew Belle (featuring Katie Herzig). Meghan first introduced me to Andrew Belle a few weeks ago and I am now obsessed with him. I love his voice and I love his lyrics. All of his music is fantastic (also check out "The Ladder" and "Add It Up"). His music heavily features strings, particularly the banjo, and the plucky beginning to "Static Waves" combined with his soft vocals and Katie Herzig's harmonies make it a wonderful song.

"The static waves across the screen
define this notion
back and forth and in between
like my emotion,
and I know you're never going to understand
and won't you slow this down, oh, if you can?" 

Today is my

last day of work at the EcoTarium this break. We're having a full staff meeting, which I am such a nerd to admit I am excited for! I haven't seen most of my coworkers since this summer, so it will be nice to catch up with them for a few hours and see how things have been. I guess we are gathering to discuss the quality of the museum tours that we have been giving during our birthday parties. Some hosts, it turns out, make up information when they forget what to say, which, I think, probably goes over fine with the kids, who are too excited for cake and ice cream to really notice, but is likely intercepted by the parents who are smart enough to realize that a polar bear doesn't eat penguins, because penguins live in the South Pole and polar bears live in the North Pole. I worked at the EcoTarium from 9-5 yesterday, and it was my first time working straight through the day there. I was absolutely exhausted by the time I got home, but I am really glad that I did it. It really opened my eyes about parenting, though: if after spending eight hours with a bunch of screaming five-year olds I am too tired to even complete coherent sentences, imagine how hard it must be for mothers and fathers to devote most of their time to raising their children. I have even more respect for my parents now. Three girls are a handful.

Tonight we are finally taking down the Christmas decorations. We are a little late in the season to be unstringing the lights and everything, but even still, a part of me will be sad to see all the twinkling go away. All the sparkle makes life so cheerful.

C217

Today I went to the high school to visit with Mr. Tarmey for a while. As soon as I rounded the stairwell corner and knocked on his door, he stood up and gave me the biggest hug. We situated ourselves among the desks (how different they are from the ones in college!) and we just talked and talked and talked. I told him about school, about my discontent with the theatre department but my unexpected decision not to transfer, about my roommates, about Virginia Woolf. We actually spent quite a bit of time talking about her. Being the dork that I am, I brought Mrs. Dalloway and J.M. Coetzee's Foe with me and pulled them out as our conversation turned to literature. Anyone else would likely have rolled their eyes or laughed at me, but Mr. Tarmey motioned for Mrs. Dalloway and started leafing through the book as if he had been expecting me to bring it all along. We talked about Clarissa and about Septimus, and he told me all about the film version. He made other Woolf recommendations for me, as well. I asked him about his AP classes this year. Right now, they're halfway through Beloved, and I am excited for them, because Toni Morrison changes lives with that book. I know that sounds crazy, but she changed my life, because she made me excited to write again. Mr. Tarmey says that huge U.S. corporations, in conjunction with smaller math and science foundations, are attempting to affect the way that schools run AP classes. He told me, for instance, that they are trying to encourage teachers not to assign summer reading. I think that is the biggest mistake they could possibly make, particularly because English does not equal math or science...I don't know. I think I'm rambling, maybe? In any case, Mr. Tarmey and I both agreed that ExxonMobil has little to no place attempting to rework the AP Literature system.

If Mr. Tarmey ever sees this post, he'll likely think I'm obsessed with him in a very bizarre way. I would just like to reassure him (and anyone else concerned about my sanity) that I have nothing but the deepest, utmost respect for him. He, just like Toni Morrison, changed my life and the way I look at the written word.

AHHHHHH visiting him seriously made my day, my week, my month.

12:12

I feel as if my life has become incredibly boring. The people around me are so fascinating and I am just...not.

Pride

I was so productive today! Vacation is wonderful but it has a tendency to make me lethargic. Today I fought myself and instead of lounging around, I finally completed a lot of the things that up until now have had practically permanent spots on my "to-do" list. E-mails, resumes, job queries - all of it, done!

It's the little things.

Just Like a Giant Spotlight

Happy things:
 -Had lunch with Leanne and Katie
 -Ran into Ms. Hedberg and a few other friends at the high school this afternoon
 -Completed my collection of Andrew Belle's entire discography

The song of the day is "The Show" by Lenka. I love her voice and the simplicity and innocence she brings to her music.

"I'm just a little bit caught in the middle.
Life is a maze and love is a riddle.
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone:
I've tried, and I don't know why."

Surreality

"The world today doesn't make sense, so why should I paint pictures that do?"

-Pablo Picasso

Six Things

In keeping with my New Year's Resolution, some things that made me happy today:

01. I had brunch today with Katie, Kate, Yona, and Ariel, and it was nice catching up for a few hours. They all have such interesting stories and so many fascinating plans for the next few years! I am so glad I was able to see them.
02. I am hopefully going to see Mr. Tarmey later this week! I miss the man immensely and have so much to tell him and so much to ask. Maybe we will even digress into a discussion about Mrs. Dalloway. I would love that! A few days ago, my friend Haley told me that he showed this year's AP Lit class the poster puzzle I made for Heart of Darkness last year. Surely it makes me seem very silly, but hearing that he held onto my project and also took the (brief) time to share it with others makes me so unbelievably happy. That man single-handedly changed my relationship with literature, and is by far the most influential teacher I had in high school. I hope anyone who has the opportunity to take his classes appreciates just how wonderful and insightful he is.
03. I watched "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" with Emily this afternoon. Clint Eastwood was so handsome! I often categorize him with Paul Newman: both were stunningly attractive in their younger years, and so talented too. Westerns aren't usually my thing but this movie is an exception. Also Ennio Morricone composed the score for the film, which I love because he also wrote the score for "The Mission," which has become one of my favorite scores ever.
04. I am definitely staying at Mount Holyoke College. The decision was not an easy one to make, but I think it will be the right decision in the long run, and I am excited to see what will happen.
05. The book Earth (courtesy of Jon Stewart and the rest of the team from "The Daily Show") is an excellent and humorous read with startlingly accurate portrayals of the way humans have lived in the past and now live today. I laughed so hard, and I highly recommend that anyone with some spare time should pick up a copy and enjoy it from cover to cover.
06. "Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today." (Mark Twain)

Nice Sweaters

The song of the day is "You and I" by Ingrid Michaelson, because for some reason as of late it has been stuck in my head and I hum it all the time, so I figure I might as well express my apparent love for it through some other vessel.

"Well you might be a bit confused
and you might be a little bit bruised
but baby, how we spoon like no one else.
So I will help you read those books
if you will soothe my worried looks
and we will put the lonesome on the shelf."

Whoa 2011

No resolutions for me this year, except perhaps to be even more open to the little bits of happiness hiding everywhere, every day. Today is Emily's 21st birthday, which is crazy and weird and awesome and humbling. We're currently watching "Whip It" together on the couch, but have no definitive plans for the rest of the afternoon, and I like that. In other news, I have a 4.0 GPA in college, and I may not transfer after all.