Perhaps I seem melancholy to my friends lately. I see myself in the mirror and "sad" screams back at me through tired green eyes and pale skin, so it would not surprise me if it were the case. I have been sad lately, mostly from worry and stress, most of it caused by myself.
Today I got home from "Wizard of Oz" callbacks, defeated emotionally, physically, spiritually. I plunked down on a chair at the island, and with my heavy head resting in two exhausted hands, I closed my eyes. And I just sat. I sat fixed in that position for minutes, trying to clear every bully out of my head, trying to find the quiet calm that chaos and constant motion stamped clear of its welcome post some months ago when life fully manifested its brutal reality.
Silence is still missing, and I have not yet managed to rid myself of the continuous panic that seems to guide my heart through this everyday maze. But when I looked back up, I had new blood pulsing through my veins.
You are surrounded by love.
I am. Everywhere. The amount of love bestowed upon me is more than I deserve and the people sharing their own with me are beautiful, beautiful and I love them, I love them with every ounce of me and still I know that isn't enough.
Today's song is "The Chain" by Ingrid Michaelson. Shout-out to Katie Collins for introducing me to her other album, the one I didn't have. Also, you are the perfect Dorothy in my eyes.
So glide away on soapy heels
And promise not to promise anymore
And if you come around again
Then I will take,
Then I will take
The chain from off the door.