Cold sheet, cold hand, groan, roll out pad across, down stair stair stair thump dog cat cold, growl hello stomach, homework? Homework yes. Do no. Times? Times I thought they were different, I'm sorry I'm sorry thank you, won't make this mistake again. Drop drop drop dad--this rain is sucky--drop drop drop drop drop traffic, why? traffic drop drop drop kiss goodbye, climb the steps, backward/forward? Backward. $6.25 please--Don't hate me but I only have a twenty, thank you sir. Bolt jerk jerk chug screech hiss stop? No next. Stop, in, where are you, you said you'd be here, whoops well no worries, out, in, out, in in in in in MFA out walk walk walk. Where's the door? Circle once, there, oh hey!, hug, kiss, shift- un/comfortable? suck it up suck it up you knew this would happen, bite lip, suck it up, smells like a hamster cage in here, this is my room, oh cool why is she in it, suck it up, Aquarium? yes! just us please, suck it up, just us just us just just just us us us, u+s, clod walk clog clunk clunk heel toe heel toe breathe talk intelligent what's new? nothing, scrounge for something, city bus: stay balanced, look LOOK yes you can, off, forward, wrong way, backtrack, seaport district, there, line long line punch me, watch my self defense! NO! why are you getting closer no don't no no yes line line "you looked cute" thanks, stop thinking too much, line, I'm a member--okay, free--in, picture, why? Penguins, penguins, I love this, fish fish go fishing for fish fish fish fish shark turtle I would live here Why is his hand on my back why stop thinking--think--no, okay, why? How has the day been--not too shabby(but really I could kiss you)I won't but I will but won't. Where? eat? sure, bus--balance people crowd, get close is this meaningful where's my ticket search tear apart search it's in my pocket embarrassing, train where-- E? B. E? B. E? D. Bummer. Hit me again, watch, yes I'd be great at fighting off predators close close what are you doing closer lips brush? no but lips lips separation what just happened "you could totally hold off a rapist"--I did not know that was a test, what? stop stop stop eat? nap? can we nap yes okay music music, covers you me space space heavy lids lights dim dim out-- cold, roll, cold, ignore it, "How did you spell her name right?"--what?, sorry, dreaming. Leave return cold me too covers yes, they hold us in us us no NO close eyes close, slight curves feet mine yours let this moment linger linger on and on strange I'm not hungry--linger 7:30 ends can't wake up stay? stay? only if you want to I do I do do you I can tell you do say it--"maybe you'd better not"-- something nothing would happen, something, get up, socks, wellies, WAKE UP, down, still smells like hamster shavings, doors open, cross street, sit sit oooboolachoogoo what? STAY AWAKE "I had fun" nod "I'm glad you came" nod "it's weird not seeing you all the time" if only you knew yes I'll come again nothing would have happened, nothing? except in our minds yes yes STOP. bus, time to go--will you be okay?-nod-are you sure? kiss kiss-now I'm not so sure but nod--kiss hug
can't tell if this is easier than last time
don't look back
on on on
8:35 time to go home phone dead no way to say: today was perfect, if you don't mind I'd like to come back tomorrow and every tomorrow after tomorrow and tomorrow's tomorrow. "Can you stay?" I can, I can't, I want to, I shouldn't, I miss you now now now still now now now now I miss--chug chug jerk jerk LAST STOP exit train crunch splash close door--back to life. Can you stay did I have to leave did I have to? at least this time I left you, "can you stay" can I can I can I can I, I want to I do I do I do I should have said yes, no, I should have. Thank you I had fun thank you I'm tired I'm tired I love you.
9:26 PM -- 10/3/09